loss

a slimy puddle of saliva and tears
in front of the archway in my living room
a wail
a second moan/wail from Scott
.....

I keep reliving that moment at weird times.

It was Thursday. September something.

I wailed.

He said to talk.

I said, "I never told her how much I loved her, how much I wished I could be like her. She's beautiful, so smart, she has it all...."

Then the guilt washed over me and I was paralyzed. Lying in my puddle of tears and saliva. I just wailed. Sobbed. Sobbed. Sobbed.

I wished someone would pound a knife into my heart because it would have felt better than that pain.