Soccer moms

I am not sure if being one is good or bad or neither, but I am curious as to when the term originated.

According to Wikipedia, it gained popularity in the 1990's. Urban dictionary has some funny entries about them - apparently, they must be white middle class women with SUV's and conservative values. I guess that is why even when I was a soccer mom (literally a mom who had a kid who played soccer) I didn't fit in.

I didn't know the right snacks to bring when it was my turn, didn't bring the requisite lawn chair, never snapped any pictures, and sometimes I ran the field on the side lines during the whole game. I enjoyed that time a lot, and got a little misty the other day when I saw a girl of about 7 in the traditional Stafford soccer blues. I wanted to run up to her and say, "I used to have a little girl just like you." Thankfully, I held back. Although I had fun, and K had fun, I never could get "in" with the other moms. They had the right clothes, the right car, the right coolers, the perfect snacks. Sometimes, I came in work clothes right from school and graded papers in the bleachers. Much to their disdain I am sure.

Lately, I've been comparing today's mom with the moms when I was growing up. We had great moms -don't get me wrong. But, our moms were not obsessed with every detail of our lives. We were kids, we played, they were moms, they did what they did. My mom made me clothes for my Barbies but she didn't play Barbies with me. She sent me out to play, but didn't photograph every second of it. And, she never set up my circle of friends for me.

As I am grappling with the guilt of the empty nest, I wonder if I did my job correctly, because I see so many women who do it ALL, and I was so lacking. I see mothers now who detail their children's lives in elaborate scrapbooks. There are entire stores devoted to this practice. They make play dates for their infants, they put their children at the center of their life, and although sometimes that is necessary while raising children, sometimes it goes too far -- doesn't it? I used to see them lurking in the school long after dropping off their kids, when I taught in a more affluent area. I would want to tell them, "Go! Get a life!"

When we was too poor to have a camera or develop film, and K would do something awesome or perform in something at school, I'd catch her eye and make a camera with my hands and pretend to click. She and I had a special secret - she knew that I knew and was there. Once another mom felt bad for me and took a bunch of pictures at a concert and gave them to me. She was shocked when I didn't act super overjoyed. I've got the pictures right here - pointing to my head -- I told her.

The last few years I have struggled with the guilt of not being a soccer mom - a mom who does it ALL. I ignored her, sent her away, was annoyed by her sometimes, and led my own life. I have beat myself up over it long enough. (although I'll still do it more - hey I'm a masochist) I've got some pictures, even some videos, perhaps a baby book somewhere. I took her to soccer, field hockey, band concerts, dances, plays, competitions, back to school night, conferences....all that I could. I even played Barbies with her....but I led my own life, too. And that is ok. I guess.

I just wish my memories could be turned off sometimes like when I feel like blubbering in the grocery store when I see a brown haired little girl in soccer cleats. I'm glad I did take the time to just stand back and observe her growing up instead of orchestrating every second.