Murdock's Mama: Just Thursday!

thehistoryofellen.com

NEW SITE

The new place for my site is thehistoryofelllen.com

It is not really the history of ellen, because, who cares? It is just the only way we could get the domain.

Please read and comment.

Cursed Giani Bernini

I lost my diamond ring.

But found it.

It was in my purse.

I actually blubbered like an idiot. And then I realized how much that ring means and how much I love my poobawooba.

Valentine's Day is bullshit hallmark holiday crap, but I buy into it everytime. Notice the spelling of "by."
Today, my valentine did my bidding:

A cinnamon dolce latte delivered to me and a cinnamon bun (I only ate 1/2)
A subway sandwich and sun chips delivered to me.

He is a peach. He is now out shopping for the best bargains to make me a Valentine Dinner of Spaghetti and meatballs.

I love him. And I can't believe I still feel the same way about him after all these years, because my first marriage....well - that is another story.

I am watching a Dick Van Dyke and Debbie Reynolds movie from 1967 right now about divorce.....I lvoe old movies - especially from the 60's.

Twelve, again

We had 12, then Baby was gone
11 it was and we ofcourse did fawn

Gone she was, off on a jaunt
I wish I knew where she did haunt

Alas, to kitty and me we don't speak
our languages to us may as well be greek

Glad she is back, ne'er to go
For in my heart, e'er she grow

Giani Bernini

My Giani Bernini bag may be gone.

Katherine gave me a gift card to Macy's and I took an afternoon to decide what to use it on - carefully. I chose a gorgeous leather tote that had a small purse inside. I love it. I have treated it with TLC ever since I got it. But today, on a trip to Colonial $#$&^%* Williamsburg, it bit the dust. We were having such fun, a gorgeous day.

I reached in to grab a sip of my bottle of water, and came up with an empty bottle. Yes, the entire bottle of water had drained out, into my bag. Everything was soaked.

My cell phone is a paper weight, all paperwork is trash, a pack of gum gone, and my purse, saturated. I literally dumped out the water into a puddle.

I felt Donna Summer's emotion, someone left the cake out in the rain and I'll never have that recipe again.

Odds I'll get to replace a high priced Italian leather bag = 0.









Unless I get my husband a new lens for his camera, a new guitar, a new music player and headphones, and some other gadget or two......and then my guilt will consume me for the things we NEED. And, I hate to admit, I don't really NEED an Italian leather tote with wristlet that feels like butter.

Back to the hippy Chairman Mao satchel with the hole in it.

UPDATE: NEW CELL PHONE IS AWESOME FOR ONLY $29. LG VOYAGER!
GIANI BERNINI BAG = SALVAGABLE.

Before and After

So, I got chosen to be an Inaugural volunteer. There were 15,000 of us (100,000 people applied). I didn't know my assignment, besides "parade" until I got there. My start time was 5 am. I got to the Rosslyn metro at ten to 4, the time it opened. I walked from my friend's daughter's apartment, about a mile away - it was scarey and dark, and cold. When I arrived, the station had a line to get in - a large group of high school kids from somewhere were there with several teachers and being schooled on the metro.

Once on the platform, there was a 15 minute wait expected for the next train. I was right in front so I just waited. Finally, the train came. It was full. I mean face pressed against the glass full. Nobody could get on. The next train came three minutes later. I was also full, but the crowd behind me surged, and before I knew it, I was on the train, completely on the other side. The energy was amazing. Everyone, at 4 in the morning! was happy.

I got to my staging area, and began a grueling wait for my leader, that was only made better by the fact that it was in front of a Starbucks, and I met new friends with hand warmers! I finally found out that I would be helping people from the metro find the mall and parade area. Then, my luck just kept growing.

I greeted people, and tried not to freeze to death for a few hours. Everyone was smiling and happy and polite. "Happy Obama Day!" "Happy Inauguration Day" and "Welcome to Washington!" is how I greeted people and all of them responded in kind. I had to dip inside a news stand for a minute to regain feeling in my legs, but all in all not a bad time. Then, the guy with free Starbucks showed up! Limos whizzed by, fire trucks, speeding SUV's with flashing lights and D.C. seemed to be buzzing.

I wondered what happened to the homeless people usually in the park where I was and someone said that they had been sheltered for the day somewhere. Hmmm. What did they do afterwards? Dump them back out there?

Finally, after an eternity, and after I was informed (9 am) that the Mall was closed - closed? Really? My leader came by with a sweet deal. We could walk towards the parade route, helping people and she had some bleacher tickets!!!!!!!!!! Could it get any better? Yes, yes it could.

We zoomed through security (with a thorough check) and headed towards our bleachers. Right next to the Presidential viewing stand - maybe a few hundred yards. We began waiting. (It was about 11). We danced, we did the wave. We held hands to keep warm. We took pictures. We shared our campaign stories. We bonded. We saw the motorcade with the Bushes, Cheneys, Obamas, and Bidens leave for the ceremony!

We had a loud speaker for the ceremony, but saw none of it. During his oath, the crowd was silent. Holding our breath. Then, cheers erupted all across the city. We could hear the mall crowd. They were packed in from the Capitol to the Lincoln! The man next to me, Addis, a volunteer, is from Ghana. He had tears running down his face. We all did.

Later, after a grueling, and mighty freezing wait, the parade began. We were spotted as volunteers with our hats and were told we were needed... We headed where we were told and ended up in the bleacher right next to the Pres box!!!!!!!!! Not press, Pres! President Obama's seat. Woo hoo. We were needed to fill the bleachers so it didn't look like a sparse crowd. It was a sparse crowd however. Glitches in security I guess prevented people from getting there. And, people who didn't plan ahead and leave by 4, were not getting in anywhere.

The parade was amazing - well the first part was at least. I already posted the best photo - all of them are blurry, and I'll put up the rest on Flickr later. We saw President and Mrs. Obama - they waved at me! We saw the Bidens.... I got the crowd to shout "JOE! JOE!JOE!" and he pointed to us and said "You rock!"

My fellow volunteer friends decided they couldn't brave the cold any more and left. I stayed on for a bit, got some pics of the first family in the booth, and then headed out. I had to walk a ways to find a metro that was available, and on the final block, I turned to see the entire US Navy band, and they struck up "Anchors Away" Again, I was a blubbering mess, but it provided me a chance to warm up for a second.

Then, the ride back on the metro, I met a family from Louisiana who had been there since 2am, saw it all on Jumbotrons and was heading home. Grandma - a former teacher, and 80 years old was with them, and I showed her my pictures.

The worst part of the whole thing was getting out of the metro station - people lost their minds, and I ended up walking to meet Scott. We went for some pizza, and I started to feel my legs again, and the exhaustion set in. I ended up staying home from work the next day, because I was beat, as you can see from the picture above.

25 Random things about me.....

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1. I am lazy.

2. I've been to 48 states.

3. Even though I am married, I often think of myself as single.

4. I started school early (age 4) and left early (end of 11^th grade) and I did get a diploma.

5. I went to 4 colleges over the course of 12 years and ultimately got my degree by taking 21 credits a semester even in the summer and it took three years.

6. William Shatner is not my father-in-law. But he sure looks like it.

7. I've been in the White House three times.

8. I own a Salvador Dali.

9. I've been within 20 feet of Barack Obama.

10. Yes, I actually have 11 cats.

11. I find it easier to be friends with men than women. Well, not really. But, men are easy to manipulate. And they are often more honest.

12. I may be too lazy to think of 25 random things about me. But, I soldier on.

13. Turn ons: music, wine, and muscles.

14. Turn offs: close minded right fighters whose name rhymes with daybitch.

15. I have gray hair in copious amounts that I try (although futiley sp?) to hide.

16. I love to read blogs.

17. As I type this, I have a cat, Felix, laying across my arms and needling my arm.

18. I really think I deserve to win the HGTV Dream home. It is in Sonoma California, and although it does not have a pool, the next door neighbor does, and chances are, they will be more liberal than my current pool having neighbors.

19. I want a hot tub.

20. I am considering plastic surgery. And botox. HA! A tummy tuck would be nice after I lose 25 pounds.

21. This damn cat is heavy. And so am I. Diet starts Tuesday!

22. I am the youngest girl of three girls. My sisters are a year apart and I am 7 years younger and more distant.

23. My mom is my best friend. But I hate when she is worried about my bad habits.

24. I forced my husband to watch Sex and the City. He did indeed enjoy the boobies.

25. Wow, I actually thought up 25 random things about me. I want to read 25 random things about other people now.

Up Close

So, all my volunteering, all my donations, all of everything paid off when I could stand in the front row and get this picture. It was so surreal, I still have not absorbed it. Or, I was soooooooooooooooooo cold, that it could not enter my brain memory area. Oh, the Obamas walk faaaaassssttttt!!!!!!!!!

A long time coming

Last May:




Then in my own town:
And, now, I prepare for tomorrow. I hope I can take at least one non-blurry picture.

Aunt Nancy

She died recently after a battle with cancer. She was just one of the many very strong women in my family. There were times I didn't really like her, and others where she was amazing. She was definitely the most perfect perfectionist I ever knew. She had tremendous tragedies in her life: her husband, very ill with kidney disease died too young; her oldest daughter, Anne, died very tragically after child birth at age 33; Elizabeth died at 29 from an asthma attack, and Bruce, her second son died at age 50. All of these happened in the last 15 years or so.

When I think of her I don't just think of her tragedies. I also think of her house. High on a hill in a posh neighborhood on the "Main Line" near Philadelphia. Stone and clapboard, colonial style. The driveway was awful. Steep and twisty and dangerous to navigate, either on foot or by car.

Here are random memories: tuna casserole with potato chips on it; Jesus Christ Superstar album and singing along to "What's the Buzz?" Thanksgiving at grandmas and our family had to clean up after hers, grandma's idealization of her and her kids, her dimples, her laugh, her blonde hair, her calling my dad Bobby all the time, the way she adored her kids and was very affectionate, and many memories of paling around with Elizabeth....and Anne - she hated when we called her Orphan Annie.

nuttin to say

School sucks the life out of me and so I find I have nothing worthy of a blog post to say. Maybe I am judging to harshly....hmmm.

My house is a disaster. So, I am planning a day out today. Ha!
Scott made delicious tacos last night.
I had mango salsa and it was fabulous!
We might get snow this week....I love a snow day!
Scott gets to take off some time after Christmas so we might use our time-share sampler.
He is snoring so loud right now that the house is vibrating.

I've been taking pottery classes, but they are not really classes - more like studio time in a kids' pottery place. I want to take real classes because I like the feel of the clay. I have no real talent at throwing, but I like the process. If all I make are wobbly bowls, that is fineby me. You can never have enough of those. And, since we are broke (as usual) that is what I will give as presents this year.

I told my students that I only wanted pencils if they got me any gifts. Pencils...or starbucks cards! I am evil. Most of my kids are poor so I usually get homemade cards which are the best gifts of all. And hugs....I get a lot of those.

I was absent two days last week for my aunt's funeral (there is a blog topic right there) and I got emails from my kids, and sighs of relief when I appeared on Wednesday.....that was great.

ok, I will formulate a blog about my aunt. stay tuned.

ahhhhhhh..........

This is my favorite picture from last night.







No,wait, it's this one:




No,wait, it's definitely this one:

I never could have just ONE of anything.
Except my vote.
I am glad I used it on this guy.

OH yeah...

I will say that pics will be forth coming from the rally, because the whole time I kept saying to my self: "I am soooooo blogging about this!"

Thanks for patience while I only thought about blog posts recently. I was *ahem* busy - setting up classroom, back to school night, all that crapola. Ya know!

Notes to self

1. Don't run toward a secret service officer under any circumstances.
2. Don't believe snot nosed rich kid volunteers who tell you how to get in to a rally.
3. Don't lose your mom.
4. Don't drink wine and take codeine cough syrup.
5. If you violate note number 4, make sure you have a strong babysitter who will hide the phone.
6. Don't stand in the rain, under a tree during a thunderstorm in a thin white cotton blouse while wearing that oh-so-sexy see through white bra.
7. Unless - you want said secret service officer from number one to let you go on your own free will.
8. Don't bother trying to protect the disabled.
9. Ok, ignore number 8, you know you'd do the same.
10. Don't promise your mom a front row seat at an Obama/Biden rally, make her work all day, leave her precious dog, deal with a befuddled husband, and let her stand in the rain waiting for you for 4 hours.
11. Never be lulled into the thought that you will ever be "done" with being a parent or worrying.

Live and learn.


All that being said - Obama and Biden were great. And almost worth the case of bronchitis/asthma/pnuemonia or whatever shit I have.

History Repeats Itself?

http://www.teachertube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=b68a5475513a61f02593
This is a pretty cool teacher video on the concept of history repeating itself. It leaves out social history, focusing on war/peace, and it bases its concept on the fact that events change, but human emotion and human nature stay the same.

I didn't intend to get too personal on this blog, but events of late have me rethinking that.

In 1982, I was working at Macy's and going to college when I threw my life away on a loser.
In 2008, my daughter was working at Macy's and going to college when she threw her life away on a loser.

Is it my fault? I thought I had done all I could to prevent this, but failed in the end. I raised her differently from how I was raised. First off, I did it alone - while I had two parents. Secondly, I kept her pretty much in a stable environment -only moving a couple times so she pretty much lived in this house since 3rd grade. I moved many more times, and went to 11 schools. But enough of the comparisons. In her case, there is some blame to be laid down and I need to get it out there so I don't entirely blame myself - or her - all the while I do understand that much of the blame does rest with me and with her.

Three years ago it was a pretty good year. We finally saved enough money to take a wonderful vacation to California, the place that feels like home the most to me. I got to show my family the places that I long for. K was heading into her junior year in high school in a gifted program called Commonwealth Governor's School. She had won a silver medal in the National Latin Exam and was getting good grades. She may now say that it was different, but at the time she was very much anti-drug, calling herself a "straight-edge punk." She had dyed black hair, dressed funny and was hanging around with a couple people I didn't like, but no alarm bells were going off.

Then IT happened. She met HIM. He seems nice, very quiet, kind of mousy and his mom is very friendly. Romance blossoms. For one month. Then, she and he ran away together. Missing for 8 days, then revelations of drugs (dangerous ones) sex, and other secrets. Since then, its been a rocky road. But since the standard of living for her became only that "Hey, she's alive, and I know where she is..." things spiraled downward. I wasn't happy with HIM, but to make matters worse, his family was torn up - a second divorce between his parents, two remarriages, conviction of his mother for stealing - YES! wedding presents from the father's new wife, and all the while, they looked down at me for being -- ahem -- a Democrat. A Heathen. They are evangelical conservative Jerry Falwell loving people. I am the antichrist to them. I usually just laughed it off - and yet they on their high horses need to know that I am placing a huge chunk of blame for K's recent decisions squarely on them.

They are dishonest, criminal, judgmental and extremely dysfunctional. Their son needs to be healed and fixed. And, who is there to throw her dreams away, to walk away from her family and friends? That is right. K. Just like I did in 1982. I threw it away and tried to fix a broken person. And all I did was break myself.

In spite of all this, I still believe she is the smartest, most articulate, funniest, most beautiful person I know. And somehow I have to trust that she will come through it all. I did. It's just that I thought I did all the suffering so she wouldn't have to.

Since the running away incident, I have had PTSD. I have tried to drown my emotions in cheap wine. (some not so cheap) and have come to the brink of suicide and murder (really) a few times.

But, today I can see more clearly. I know that I can have a glass or two of wine during the week and enjoy its flavor without using it to drown my feelings. I can express my feelings here, with family and friends and it will work out. I see my psychiatrist for medications, and know that when I am feeling better it is because they are working and not because I am cured. There is no cure- only coping.

I wanted to spare my child from a life of pain and regret, but I suppose that isn't possible.

This year - at school, I am starting to get rejuvenated and feel like teaching again. Almost.

Suggestions?

the white cliffs of dover
sheep dotted hills in ireland (while wearing a woolen sweater)
stonehenge
roman baths
colisseum
parthenon
venice
eiffel tower
the hermitage
heidelberg
stockholm
hagfors
copenhagen
madrid
seville
rota
puerto de santa maria
sistine chapel
david
victoria falls
capetown
an elephant/lion/tiger in natural habitat
giza
mayan pyramids
machu pichu
the qin emperors terra cotta army (should be higher on the list)
the great wall and hong kong and beijing
the ganges and mumbai
hanoi
sydney
yosemite
yellowstone
maine -coast of
carmel river beach


these are all the places i want to go in my life. I am just realizing that I will perhaps not make it there - except for Carmel River Beach (and of course the European places I went when 6 months old). What I need to know is if I am now 43.5 and at best I have 40 more years left of travel in me and that as of now I have no travel money/plans....fuck I don't even have a passport anymore.... will any of the above dreams come true???? It would seem that if I work hard and make a decent living I could perhaps do those things....but my priorities are intermingled with the priorities of another human being (and I'm pretty sure his list of places to see would be shorter than mine).

How should I try to achieve my dreams of world travel?

There must be a way.

oops

home dye job gone bad - again - this is the after after pic after I tried to fix it. The picture really doesn't give the color justice --its more burgundy.

Oh, and if you were wondering...yes, I am the queen of frizz. I don't fight it anymore...I just give in to it and go with it. When you live in a sauna like it is here in VA in July (and August and September...) and you have curls...

The most common definition for Insanity:

A state of mind by which a person repeats the same actions over and over again expecting different results.

so....what about this...huh?

"IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, TRY, TRY AGAIN. Don't give up too easily; persistence pays off in the end. The proverb has been traced back to 'Teacher's Manual' (1840) by American educator Thomas H. Palmer and 'The Children of the New Forest' (1847) by English novelist Frederick Maryat (1792-1848). Originally a maxim used to encourage American schoolchildren to do their homework. Palmer (1782-1861) wrote in his 'Teacher's Manual': 'Tis a lesson you should heed, try, try again. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.' The saying was popularized by Edward Hickson (1803-70) in his 'Moral Song' (1857) and is now applicable to any kind of activity." From "Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings" by Gregory Y. Titelman (Random House, New York, 1996, Page 154). source

Diet log: day one

1 cup of coffee with splenda (and a dash of half and half)
not changing my coffee habits yet - although I did get the "skinny" latte at SB yesterday.

I hate dieting. Its a very complicated issue for me. I've done Weight Watchers about 17 times in my life. I think I lost a total combined weight of .6 lbs. I've done pills, curves, the gym, home plans, book diets (Dr. Atkins, Dr. Phil, Oprah, The Zone) and others I can't remember. All of them combined with other factors then led me to a whopping over 300 pound tub of lard, stretch marks, and arteries that were giving out before I was 40. There are other joys of being a tub of lard such as hygeine and breathing and sleep apnea and sex...oh and infertility thank you PCOS. So I was motivated, but after a year (documented of WW + Curves) I had lost 11 pounds!

So....I had a gastric bypass.

That was 3 years ago. I reached all the goals I wanted to with the surgery. Perhaps I'll write about the surgery another time because it is indeed a fascinating story. All I was after was good health and to buy clothes in a normal store. It had reached the point that I had to order clothes online or choose from 2 stores in my town. The famed Omar the Tent Maker (I think someday I'll really have a store called that) and Lane Bryant. So, I couldn't even just have a normal pair of levis and a t-shirt. That is my preferred wardrobe. Well, now I can wear those things, but I have realized that I am slipping into my old ways.
[oh, and there is this nasty business of a wedding coming up and I have to put this dress on again, and I am worried...so before I even try it....]

I don't binge anymore. I don't crave ice cream and chips and dip. I just have a way of finding the most calorie rich foods that will fit in my stomach pouch. I mean well - on my road trip (another story I'll get to) from which I returned yesterday...I had a fast food lunch. Instead of a kids meal which makes me sometimes vomit (fun!) and always feel crappy...I had the chicken salad wrap at Arbys. It had whole wheat wrap, chicken breast, apples and pecans and lettuce. And grapes! It was delishhhhhhhussss. I could only eat 1/2 and that is after taking off a bunch of the wrap part. I called the hubs to tell him I was embarking on a healthy eating plan and was proud of myself. And, the wonderful hubs (jerk!) looked up the nutrition facts for me. Let's just say it ain't really healthy considering I could have just had the Arby's beef and cheddar for less. Oh well.

I do have my addictions: pita chips, vitamin water, wine, and cookies. I like to nibble. Oh, and crackers (Triscuit Rosemary and Olive Oil!).

So, today I am going to be more conscious. I bought a ton of organic veggies at the new Wegmans!! And I am going to make that great Weight Watchers cabbage soup, a yummy salad of my own with pecans (just a couple) and forego the wine. I'm having light yogurt with my own blueberries in a little while.

I pondered doing a "cleanse" like other bloggers, but I don't have the stamina for that. Nor the iron count (a side effect of the GB is anemia). And, alas I am not naturally thin and gorgeous like that other Obama fan blogger that I love. And, is it just me, or is Oprah fat again?


Oh, and I'm also going on a bike ride and vigorously clean the hell hole litter box I live in. That stuff plus work on my school work (yet another topic because I am soooo retarded I think I am smart) and get my cell phone fixed because it died! Oh, and I was reminded that the fancy gym membership I have is not being utilized, so I may have to visit the Starship again soon. (the trainers wear outfits that look like ST Voyager uniforms!)

Ciao!

butterflies and ants....

Well, I am back from my mom's home in the land of no high speed internet. I am so glad to have my high speed. I literally could play an entire game of solitaire between pages loading - so I didn't do much on the internet. Sometimes that can be a good thing.

My husband is a slob. He says he cleaned up but considering the case of ants we have now, and the amount of pet hair that is clinging to everything, he didn't really do anything. He keeps the money flowing and the computers running, but his slobbish ways are annoying. So, today I will clean the house (dishes and pots from 3 days that he didnt' do, bathroom -I won't mention the mess there, the vacuuming and mopping --something is sort of slippery on the kitchen floor - I don't want to even know). I don't do laundry, mainly because my basement is the home to very large and very hairy spiders and I will not survive another encounter. Consequently, to get laundry done I have to do a lot of nagging and then very slowly a basket of clean will come up for me to fold. If I had the machines upstairs, I would do the laundry myself. Enough bitching.

So, I have been thinking quite a bit of my turning points in history. I feel quite certain that given the nature of the class - the prof is expecting just the typical ones I picked - the sixth grade ones if you will. However, I do get that there are more interesting small events that sort of started a chain of events that led to big changes. I also get that many events include several turning points within themselves. When I teach turning points, I usually explain that when a turning point happened, the course of events that followed were opposite to the way they were before.

In my thoughts I remembered that phenomena "The Butterfly Effect" which is basically a scientific idea, but is fascinating. This guy at this website thinks we are doing it wrong though.

I found a person who believes that some photographs changed history here. I don't really agree that the photos changed anything, but I do believe that they illuminated and made the events more real to the masses. I have seen all those pictures before and usually use them in my teaching.

I especially like this list of books that changed history. I think these did have an impact, and in fact I was going to list Common Sense as one of my turning points before I thought I needed bigger events. I am going to have a second list of turning points to share and I am going to include Common Sense, and The Feminine Mystique.

I also found this great website that spotlights an event that changed history every Monday. It's not limited to U.S. history like I am for this assignment, but is fascinating anyway. I am looking forward to the world history part of the class, I think the article on the Qin emperor is very good. I hope to someday see the Terra Cotta soldiers. Oh, and the Great Wall.

Well, I better get busy cleaning this pig sty in which I reside. On a side note, I am making collages as suggested by Oprah and "The Secret" because if I make a collage about the places I want to see someday, and think really hard and positive about them, then I will be able to go, right?