Dr. Phil

So, I tivo Dr. Phil each day, but only watch a little. He has this thing from one of his books: List 7 pivotal choices in your life; List 5 pivotal people; and 10 pivotal moments. Here are the ones I can think of now:

7 Choices
1. To graduate from high school early.
I was 17 and knew it all. I was hanging with a crowd that probably wasn't the best for me but we had fun. I wanted a boyfriend and had none. I thought if I went back to that High School, I would be wasting time. I was already bored with classwork. So, I got my diploma after passing the California High School Proficiency Exam - not a GED - but it basically is the test you have to take to graduate. I figured, and managed to convince my parents that I had learned all that I would learn in high school. I enrolled in Hartnell College and changed my group of friends. Yet, I was consumed with the idea of finding a boyfriend, so I ended up meeting and moving very fast with one of the pivotal people listed below.

2. To move to Connecticut from California. I feared it at the time, but it came true- I'd never be able to move back. I still don't know if I ever will.

3. To stay in CT and not leave. My pride wouldn't let me admit that I had made a bad decision and I didn't correct it. I stayed.

4. To get pregnant. I felt the time was right and that I wanted a baby more than anything. This was a positive decision - and the most pivotal of all.

5. To move to VA from CT. Somehow I knew I had to get away from pivotal person - and needed help and courage to do it.

6. To go back to college and become a teacher.

7. To move to Fredericksburg.


5 pivotal people
- I am listing these as people, to me, who had a major impact - not necessarily in a good way.

1. Chuck
2. D
3. Parents
4. Katie
5. Scott

10 pivotal moments:

1. When Katie was a little baby and I had "The revelation" -- I must make something of myself so she can make something of herself. I must make the world she will inherit a bit better.

2. Deciding to go back to school full time and make it happen - and then finally accepting that diploma.

3. The breakup with Denis. I lost my mind and realized that I had still been looking for a man to validate my existence.

4. Scott moving in. I think this was more important than even getting married to him. The first step was allowing myself to share my life with him while still maintaining my own identity and not doing it just for validation. It has made our marriage both great and terrible since I know that I don't need him for validation. I need him - for many things, strength, stability, companionship, but I am my own person.

5. My grandpa dying when I was 9.

6. Going back to California.

7. Standing up to Mike Williams.

8. Kaiti running away.

9. having bypass surgery.

10. still not decided upon - but it could be the final decision not to have another baby.




I am still working on forgiveness. I had a shrink once who told me that I had to first forgive myself. I still am mad at myself for marrying D. I know I wouldn't have Katie without him, but it was such a colossal misjudgement on my part. I am embarrassed and ashamed of marrying him. Why did I do it?

ok - too deep right now.